Are you struggling with some level of conflict in your own family where there was previously harmony? I have recently experienced this and know many others have too, and so wanted to share my ponderings in case it may be helpful to others.
Conflict is omnipresent at this time, with so much divisiveness and polarisation going on in our world primarily through media in all its various forms of conflicting news. However, we do have a choice... and I highly recommend staying away from it and simply trust if there is something you need to know, that it will be revealed to you.
At the foundation of conflict is an attachment to beliefs, the need to be right (More in my book 101 Strategies for True Health and Empowerment”) which can reflect some arrogance, or a “power over” kind of attitude. This is often underlined with fear.
Ven Gyalwang Drukpa notes "Fear thrives in the absence of mutual understanding and diversity, and it is a poisonous weapon. But there is an antidote: compassion. Compassion combats fear.”
Looking at the scale of emotions between love and fear - compassion is up there in the higher frequencies towards love, and judgment is in the lower frequencies towards fear. We are energy beings and if you are reading this, you will know the different frequencies of thoughts and words either add or detract from our well-being.
Part of the spiritual path is to continually work on our awareness, and resolve whatever triggers arise throughout our journey. In doing so, we become more aware of our true Divine essence. The more we clear our “stuff”, the more love, peace and harmony we experience. The effect of that, is that we are less inclined to judge another because we just don’t get triggered in the same way.
Human nature is such that we all like to feel someone is in agreement with us. It supports the ego self. We tend to gravitate towards those people because we feel more comfortable with them. In fact, where there is conflict, we will often seek out support from another who will support our views. However, one of the gifts of relationship is the need for others to challenge us, to help us to see our blocks - our attachments, our fears and beliefs. They help us grow. These people become our mirrors or our “angels in disguise”.
Though it can take some courage and humility on our part to own it, it is helpful to recognise when we judge another, that it actually says something more about us, than it does about them. It may be we are judging their behaviour, that is actually part of our own disowned behaviour or we are in such judgment because it is totally opposite our own! Whatever the situation, if we are feeling triggered, it is ours to address. We may ask what is it, that is beneath that trigger? What is its origin? Without question the vast majority of our emotional pain starts in childhood and those patterns keep getting repeated until we resolve them. Amongst a multitude of possibilities a few ideas could be:
Not feeling heard
Not feeling supported
Not feeling good enough
Feeling out of control or unable to control another
Not feeling valued or respected
There is actually no need to really know or understand the origin of the wound or emotional pain. We just have to feel it and allow the stuck energy to move through us without running a mind story. A passion for truth can really help here, because the ego will want to feel justified in its frustration or any kind of challenge to our beliefs.
Sometimes, it can be really tough to feel safe enough to experience the discomfort, albeit it the energy will start to diminish in less than a minute provided the mind stays out of it. The reality is, if it has arisen, it is an opportunity to be released. And by the way, there is no shame in recognising there are times we all need some help to process through these tough emotions! Holding the space for another and guiding them through can accelerate the process and keep you on track so the mind doesn’t take over.
As I dug deep into my own pain, I discovered a belief system of not feeling supported. In some ways, it was not new as this has arisen many times in my life. Though I did have an experience last when I was unwell and I did feel supported,. Nevertheless here it was again or another layer, but I decided I was absolutely done with it. After all, it was just a belief system, a program that I had held onto since I was a child. No doubt belief systems are powerful because they will keep reflecting back to us until we choose differently. So with that awareness and determination, I also knew I could change it - and so I did! Here's how:
My process was some tears as I felt the depth of the pain, some clearing, compassion for myself, and gratitude for seeing this debilitating belief so clearly. Next was to change to a new belief system, I then applied some Emotional Freedom Technique. (E.F.T. is one of the most effective strategies to change belief systems). I then created an affirmation to reflect the replacement of my new belief to I am so supported. Boy what a difference it made to my feeling state, that continues.
So coming back to the quote by Ven Gyalwang Drukpa notes "Fear thrives in the absence of mutual understanding and diversity, and it is a poisonous weapon. But there is an antidote: compassion. Compassion combats fear.” In the miraculous way that the universe so often works, it opened me up further to another tool to help us through this chaotic time with all this polarisation that surrounded us. This is it:
When there is disparity between you and another, let go of the need to try to change them towards your view. Just agree to disagree. Be willing to trust they are following their own path and beliefs - in the same way you are! Further, you can and will elevate the energy, by intending compassion and recognition of their divine self:
SAY: May love and grace guide us both.
Namaste - (The light of the Divine in me recognises the light of the Divine in you).
Be sincere - You can say this in the quiet of your mind, or aloud if that feels appropriate.
There may be other expressions that feel more appropriate for you. Play with it, finding a loving way to accept what is. So instead of lowering the frequency through disagreement and believing you are right, and leaving that energy hanging, you will be adding a little more harmony to this world. We sure need it!
I hope you find this helpful.